Tuesday, November 27, 2012

This One Can't Wait Until Friday...

So I had a previous plan for Feminist Friday this week, but then my coworker, (who loves to push my buttons), sent me an article that flipped the script. And it just so happens that the message I want to convey with it is the perfect intro for what was going to be posted. So I will save the original for next time. 

If you so dare, read: 

I literally had to look at the author's name 3 times, and I STILL can't believe a woman wrote this. Excuse my French, but this is the biggest bunch of bullshit I have read in a LONG time. Just when I read a couple sentences that got me fired up and thought it couldn't get worse, it did. I'm so mad right now that I had to start blogging my reaction before I lost it.

I will share some excerpts and my knee-jerk reactions to them...

Venker starts off with some facts:

"Much of the coverage has been in response to the fact that for the first time in history, women have become the majority of the U.S. workforce. They’re also getting most of the college degrees. The problem? This new phenomenon has changed the dance between men and women."

Agreed. The dynamic has obviously changed. From here, she just nose dives. 

"During this time, I’ve spoken with hundreds, if not thousands, of men and women. And in doing so, I’ve accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who’ve told me, in no uncertain terms, that they’re never getting married. When I ask them why, the answer is always the same.

Women aren’t women anymore."

Button pushed. Excuse me? Allow me to keep reading to see what you think "women" should be...

"In a nutshell, women are angry. They’re also defensive, though often unknowingly. That’s because they’ve been raised to think of men as the enemy. Armed with this new attitude, women pushed men off their pedestal (women had their own pedestal, but feminists convinced them otherwise) and climbed up to take what they were taught to believe was rightfully theirs.

Now the men have nowhere to go."

I guarantee any men that know me or read this blog immediately thought, "That's Kali!" Sure, I may sound defensive and sound like I hate men, but I don't. (Most of that is just exaggeration for effect - sarcasm people.) But the truth is, men are great. I have many male friends, a boyfriend and father whom I love very much. I was not raised to hate men. I was raised to be a strong woman. There is a difference, Ms. Venker.

And what pedestal did we have that feminists convinced us against? Historically, we had no rights, couldn't vote, couldn't make any decisions in the family, were viewed as possessions who couldn't think for themselves, viewed as objects that were only good for sex, cleaning, and baby raising. Yea, Ms. Venker, that's really a pedestal I want to stand on. 

Here a revolutionary thought: How about we don't want to push men OFF the stage and take their place, we simply want to join them upon it and stand next to them as equals.

"But what if the dearth of good men, and ongoing battle of the sexes, is – hold on to your seats – women’s fault?"

The ongoing battle of the sexes is absolutely women's fault. Agreed! We have been fighting to change gender roles for years and are still fighting! So yes, THAT is our fault. And I'm proud of it! But the dearth of good men? Please. My theory is if a man can't handle a strong, independent women, then they don't fall into the category of "good men", or as Venker puts it "marriageable men". If they were so ready to hop off that "pedestal" and think men and women can't be on the SAME level, then they are cowards in my book and who wants to marry that?

Side note: I know I haven't gotten as many male opinions as Ms. Venker has in all her research about this topic, but I have heard MANY men speak to the fact that they want a woman who is driven, ambitious, and can stand on her own two feet. A woman that doesn't love the man because she needs a roof over her head, but loves him because of WHO he is. 

"Contrary to what feminists like Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men, say, the so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off. It has also undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them."

What a crock of shit. Men: You can still support a family. We will "let" you. We just want to help you do so! What a crime! We don't want to compete, we want to coexist and cooperate.

"So if men today are slackers, and if they’re retreating from marriage en masse, women should look in the mirror and ask themselves what role they’ve played to bring about this transformation."

Again, if a man is a "slacker", he doesn't fall into the category of a "marriageable man", so that point is moot. 

"Fortunately, there is good news: women have the power to turn everything around. All they have to do is surrender to their nature – their femininity – and let men surrender to theirs.

If they do, marriageable men will come out of the woodwork."

WOWWWW. Ms. Venker, are you writing this in your candy cane apron while you whisk pancake batter before you go rub your 300 pound husband's feet while he drinks a beer on the couch?????? 

Now, while I had to throw that jab in there, let me be clear. I don't think there is anything wrong with that! Contrary to what Ms. Venker believes, I am not wearing a bandanna and flexing my bicep. I think women can go bake a cake, but then also shoot some hoops, or have a beer and watch some football. YOU CAN  BE STRONG AND FEMININE. That is my main point in all of this. And I'm not just saying it because I love shoes and also am athletic. My point is you can be a strong, confident woman, believing that you can accomplish whatever you want, while still possessing female qualities (nurturing, compassionate, etc.) 

Ms. Venker seems to think surrendering to our "female nature" means letting men have the career and submitting ourselves to their will. WRONG, sister. WRONG. We can bring home the bacon and still wear a dress. And maybe we'll throw a blazer over it! GASP!

Am I biased? Abso-freaking-lutely. Which is why I wrote this  reaction in the first place. But trust me, I know there are women out there who agree with this article. It just makes my skin crawl. We are so much better than this and don't need people (especially women) trying to fault all the progress we have made.

I have a career. Many of my females friends do. We have professional goals and aspirations  But guess what, Ms. Venker? I also do the laundry. AND, wait for it, Tim does the dishes! (I hope she hasn't collapsed yet.) One of the most fundamental personality trends of women is cooperation and teamwork. So, forgive me for "surrendering" to my femininity and wanting to be part of a team in my relationship. And forgive me for finding a real man who can't only handle it, but appreciates it.



  1. Love love love!!!!!!!

  2. I love you K! I didn't get as heated over this as I was expecting to. I think since I live my life so differently from most anyway that it's given me a laissez-faire attitude. There are plenty of women who wanna stay at home and bake pie and have dinner on the table for their husband. We just aren't them. There's nothing wrong with either side but even women who make the choice to live in a 50s themed household should be thanking the women who fought for them to have a choice at all.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.