Friday, September 6, 2013

10 Things Women Should Know About Football Season.. From Men

I hope you all are ready for this one. I finally convinced the one and only Tim to write a guest post for me. Now, I know you all are use to seeing blogger boyfriends post about how adorable and creative their girlfriend is. Well, Tim is dry, sarcastic, and hilarious. Hope you can handle it! :) Enjoy....


10 Things Women Should Know About Football Season.. From Men

1. Nobody cares that you picked who’s going to win or your favorite team because of their colors or mascot.  

This is something your 85 year old secretary at work does because she raised 10 kids and was always cooking or cleaning.  Times have changed and women are more involved in sports than ever before.  Take the time to do some research and find a team that you like.

2. Don’t wear a pink jersey to look cute on game day.

Watching football isn’t about being cute and trying to make all the other women in the room jealous that you have a “stylish” Steelers jersey.  To everyone else you look like you’re trying way too hard and don’t really care about the game.

3. We all know that Michael Vick is an asshole because he fought and killed dogs.  

This happened six years ago and Vick has served his time in prison.  Since getting out Vick has volunteered in his community and hasn’t been in trouble with the law.  No one is going to agree with what he did but bringing it up every time the Eagles play is getting tiresome…which brings me to number 4.

4. Everyone knows Aaron Hernandez is in jail awaiting trial for murder.

This topic has been discussed and written about at great lengths since his arrest.  Don’t think you’re bringing breaking news to the table by bringing it up Week 1.  ESPN has ran it into the ground almost as much as their daily coverage of Tim Tebow’s bowel movements.  Try to limit Hernandez talk to any new developments during the season.

5. If you’re watching the game pay attention to what’s going on.

Nothing is more annoying than watching a game with someone’s wife or girlfriend and hearing them ask who has the ball, what just happened, or what the score is.  My girlfriend’s mom is notorious for this and we constantly have to pause, rewind, or explain the last play.  I’ve contemplated suicide during several of these instances.

6. Nobody cares how hot Tom Brady is or how great the players look in their uniforms.

Save these discussions for times when you’re with your friends and no heterosexual males are around.  The last thing guys want to hear during the review of a game winning TD is “OMG whose butt is that near the bottom of the pile?  It’s amazing!!!”

7. Don’t ask if the game can be changed to Too Cute Puppies during commercials.

During the fall weekends are for football and there is always another game on another channel.  A commercial is the perfect time to switch to the other game and see how bad the Bears are getting their asses kicked by the Packers.  It’s not the time to watch Sandy, the Labradoodle mom, teach her puppy Flower how to swim.

8. Don’t have your boyfriend draft your fantasy football team and then get mad when you don’t win.

Listen ladies your husband/boyfriend is probably in at least three fantasy football leagues of his own.  Being in multiple leagues is a full time commitment and the last thing he wants to do is manage your team too.  Sure you sound really cool saying you play fantasy football but when you don’t know anything about your team your street cred goes right out the window.  I’m all for women being in fantasy sports but you need to know enough to manage your own team.

9. We can all form our own opinions about the cheerleaders.

Every guy likes it when the game cuts to the cheerleaders.  I think we can all agree that while there are always a few good looking ones there are also ones that look like they’re coming off a meth high.  Hearing you rip on them for being trashy skanks with several STD’s makes you sound like the girl that got cut from the cheerleading squad.

10. Finally, don’t hate on your guys team just to do it.  

If you’re a casual fan with no allegiance to a team don’t talk about how bad your guy’s team is because you have no argument to back it up.  If you’re a Bengals fan and your boyfriend is a Steelers fan then feel free to let him know how bad they are and how creepy, aka “rapey”, Ben Roethlisberger is.

-Tim


Check out his fantasy sports blog: RotoAgent





9 comments:

  1. HAHAHA!! #3, my brother just brought up Michael Vick and I said "oh that dog fighting pitbull man??" and his response was EXACTLY what you just wrote LOL. "He did his time unlike some of the other a-holes in the league".

    great tips! i can't help but wonder if Kali ever did any of these items ;)

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  2. He's so true on all of these. I feel like this is something I would have written because I tend to be more like a guy when it comes to sports haha!

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  3. OK so we are clearly on the same page with many of these. Pink Jersey, don't pick on mascot (or how cute the QB is).... I actually love watching the cheerleaders... is that weird? They are all so much more talented at dancing than I could ever dream of being.

    I hope your mom doesn't read your blog or someone will be in the dog house and not able to watch the next game at your family's house ever again! :)

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    1. Soooo my dad read this and called mom to share. He was cracking up. OOPS!

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  4. I drafted Michael Vick as my backup QB in fantasy and all of the other girls were like ewwww Michael Vick. I was thinking that I thought people should really be over that by now.

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  5. Hysterical! And so true. I love that he's a Steelers fan! HERE WE GO!

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    1. Haha actually he hates the Steelers. He's a Texans fan and I'm a Bengals fan. WhoDey!

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  6. I'm a woman but I agree with ALL OF THIS. I refuse to watch games with some of my girlfriends. How do you not know who has the ball or what just happened??? And pink jersey's? Don't even get me started.

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  7. I am a HUGE college football fan. However, I am guilty of #3 and #6. Thank you for pointing out how annoying that is. I will attempt to change my ways ;)

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