Friday, February 14, 2014

50 Shades Of Grey Area: Valentine's Day For The Unofficial Couple

Hi darlings! I'm Mason from "Mason...Like The Jar," and I'm so excited and honored to be "kontributing" today over here on the lovely Kali's blog! I'm even more excited to have been gifted Valentine's Day for this little guest post of mine!

I happen to be in a fabulous relationship with an even more fabulous guy (barf, right?), but dating and relationships aren't always candy hearts and butterflies and Frank Sinatra crooning in the background while a tall, dark, and handsome man recites love poems to you. It's just not. And believe you me, I've had my fair share of crash-and-burn dating disasters.

I mean, let's face it: dating is effing weird.

You go to bars, the gym, the grocery store, church, Starbucks...and you meet someone. Or multiple someones. And they're all like, "Hey I just met you and this is crazay but here's my number me maybe?" And you're all like, "Nah. I'm set. Your palms are sweaty and you look like Eugene Levy." And then they get sad, and you tell your girlfriends about the troll who hit on you while you were just trying to buy your family size Nutella in peace.

But sometimes you go to these normal everyday places and you meet someone. Or multiple someones. And they look like Ryan Reynolds or Jake Gyllenhaal or someone equally yummy, and they treat you like a gosh darn lady. So you're like, "yes please!" And then you go on a fabulously romantic date and have perfect conversations and you make each other laugh.

Then you go on another date.

And then Valentine's Day creeps up on you when you're only two dates in. What happens then? 

Valentine's Day is when two camps of people are celebrated: it's all about the people in relationships, but the single people are also celebrated with tons of articles, tv shows, movies, etc. glorifying the single girl. Which is fabulous, but herein lies the issue...

What about everyone else? Typically, only the outer extremities are acknowledged. Where's the cream filling?!

So many people reach Valentine's Day while in a grey area...fifty shades of grey area, if you will. They've only gone on a handful of dates with a guy and are just casually dating. What do you do if you fall into this category? Do you ignore Valentine's Day completely? Do you pretend you're in a relationship with the guy and force an awkward romantic evening? Do you exchange gifts? 

Here's the sitch:

What if you go on a date for Valentine's Day, and it's still really early on, and you get him a present. Sure, on one hand maybe he got you something too and will appreciate your thoughtfulness. Or it could be a disaster. I illustrated a possible scenario:

Poor girl got dressed in her fanciest triangle dress and got rejected by a guy with spiky hair. Unacceptable. She's better than that. 

And then he'll probably send this text to his bros:

Sure, maybe little angelface creeped him out by showering him with v-day paraphernalia after only knowing him for two weeks. Fine, maybe she came across as a stage 5 clinger. Then again, he's overlooked the fact that she might not even go out with him again once she sees his flip phone circa 2004.

So maybe don't get him anything. But then what if he gets you something and you don't have anything for him? Then you'll feel like the unthoughtful turd.

I've been in this position before and it's uncomfortable. The only thing I can think to do if Valentine's Day rolls around and you're just casually dating a guy is to wait for him to ask you out, and if he doesn't, just hang out with the girls! If he asks you out for a fancy Valentine's Day date, take him a little something like homemade cookies or a tacky drugstore Valentine's Day trinket to make him laugh. Just a little treat to acknowledge the day since he's already acknowledged it by asking you out. Nothing major though...we don't want him leaving this date thinking you're on the verge of picking out china patterns and naming the 2.5 children you'll have together.

If he asks you to "hang out" and then asks you to pick what to do, suggest something that isn't girly. Suggest ordering a pizza, drinking beer, and watching an action movie. He'll like that you're not getting all mushy and ridiculous and making him listen to "The Way You Look Tonight" on repeat while eating heart-shaped quiche sitting on glittery pink pillows on the floor.

Unless of course you really don't like him that much and want to pull a How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days move. In that case, have at it, dollface. Buy the man a love fern.


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