Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Best Version of You

You might remember this post I wrote a couple weeks ago about relationships. I started off by saying how surprised I am with all of the things I am learning about myself and about dating in my current relationship.

I'm sure a lot of it has to do with age. We are in our mid-late 20s, so we are reaching our highest maturity level. Also, we live together, so that in and of itself is always eye-opening.

So today I'm here to talk about my newest discovery. And that is making an effort to be your best self for your significant other and for the success of your relationship.

It may not come as a surprise to some of you, but I like to think I'm right in most situations. Arguments or disagreements are always focused on what the other person is doing wrong and how they need to change. That's pretty typical when you're younger. Whether it's your parents, your friends, or your boyfriend. There is always something they can do better and is frustrating why they can't understand your perspective.

It's only been in the past several years that I've started checking myself during a disagreement. I've paused to step back and evaluate the situation and ask questions. Am I overreacting? How would I feel if I was in his shoes? Could I have handled this better?

There have been times, as hard as it is for me to admit, where I've thought, "Man, I really screwed that up." And I acknowledge it and apologize.

That's not easy to do. And it usually sucks.

But the point is, a relationship isn't about who's right and who's wrong. Nobody is keeping score (at least they shouldn't be.)

It's important to remember that everyone messes up, including you. And it's not just about arguments. Relationship are about making yourself a better person. About making yourself the best possible version of you.

Sometimes I take for granted that Tim knows me. He is aware that I'm a generally happy, fun-loving person. So often I find myself just dumping all my concerns and problems on him. Which is normal to do with the person you are closest to.

But I have to remember that Tim probably likes the fun, light-hearted side of me. Much more than complainer Kali. So, I have to make an effort to be that more often. And not just for him. It's something that makes me happier too.

I've found myself making an effort to be more positive, worry less, live in the moment, be more understanding, etc. so that I'm giving this relationship the best Kali it can have.

It's often difficult. It's easy to get bogged down with stress and life. But I'm hoping I can start reminding myself of these things more often.

You can't fix or change someone else. You can only control yourself and how you act. So, why not make an effort to be the best person you can be?

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1 comment:

  1. What a great post! I agree, it really stinks to have to say sorry, I suck or sorry I'm wrong, but it makes things easier when you admit your faults. My husband always tells me [in a nice way] that he misses the happy me when I get stressed, defeated or melancholy.


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